V**** jääpuikut

Jääpuikut

  
Moika perkelet! Ha-ha säkhö-tonttu on takaisin!!!

Lyön vetoa juuri ne hitto bloggaajia oli päässyt eroon minusta. No nyt ne löytää sen ole niin helppo päästä eroon nykyajan tonttu, joka voi käyttää internetiä. Höpsis-Blogi on hakkeroitu taas. Jos teidän laajakaista ei ole niin paska voisin löytänyt teitä aikaisemmin.

Niiden web-cam näen §*#%* valtava jääpuikkoja ja jopa isompi pelle katolla ilman turvaköyteen. Typerä.

Kyllä, kusihousut sähkö-tonttu on takaisin! Ihminen tottuu kaikkeen, paitsi jääpuikkoon takamuksessa (se ehtii sulaa enne kuin tottuu...)

Dear (secret) santa

One of our family (pre)-Christmas traditions is the writing and exchange of Christmas lists.  It never really occurred to me until recently how potentially strange it is for a grown man to be writing a list 'for santa' still, although these days it is an email that goes to Mum and siblings.  We don't think it strange, quite useful in fact to have a few hints, especially when you don't see each other much, but Konna has always found the whole thing odd and refuses to write a list for herself (and looks oddly at whatever item I have suggested to some member of my family). On the other hand she usually agrees or even buys herself, her present from her Mum, and is certainly not above heavy hints to me. At least our way there is some element of surprise...

Hanging around with Havis

Mind your head Amanda...

For the life of me I can't understand why they have installed the worlds most impractical ski lift at the end of the Esplanade... and the queues are terrible

Overheard in Helsinki, Vappuaattona. Or not.

Sporadic sausages

via mtv3

Posting here seems to be getting more sporadic and sparse as time goes on, partly because we are well into the repetition zone as we get closer to kaksi vuotta (what is there to say about Vappu that wasn't said last May day for instance); and also because staying at home sitting in front of the computer trying to design kitchens/extensions/invitations doesn't throw up a lot of insightful or exciting moments. Also I have realised that a lot of my posts are picture led - i.e. an excuse to show off whatever randomly appeared in front of my camera, just be glad you don't have to see the full slideshow. So if I haven't been out somewhere with my camera I don't seem to come up with much to post about.

Not to say nothing is happening. Since the last blog post we have bought a flat, had our 4th client/project, bought a bonsai tree, had a name day and killed my Xbox360 (the dreaded red ring of death). The latter is probably a good thing as will stop me being tempted to play Fallout 3 instead of looking at Finnish building regulations. Now I will have to talk to the bonsai tree instead. (It's called Bernard).

About the most interesting thing going on here just now is people panicking that they won't be able to buy nakkia and perunasalattia for their vappupäivä picnic due to striking/locked-out food sector workers - I imagine if the 'Suomi sausage shortage' goes on much longer the Finnish government will have to declare martial law to prevent rioting when Finns realise their summer barbecue will have to be vegetarian.

Grow your own frosted glass

Sugar frosted privacy

Enjoy a tasty new 'acid etched' look to your balcony. (Please note you should take a good look at the view before using this recipe as you won't be seeing it again for a while...)

Ingredients:

• 1 x glazed in balcony
• 1 x micro-sauna
• Water
• 1-2 x humans
• Seasoning: baste with beer or cider to taste

Instructions:

1. Chill glazed balcony to around -15 to -20°C (if you can't fit yours in the freezer you may need to relocate to, say, Helsinki in the winter which has an over-abundance of apartment blocks with said items)
2. Pre-heat ridiculous micro-sauna to 70-90°C for 20 mins. If you don't have a micro-sauna an ordinary sized one will work fine (or as some would say, far better), although you should pre-heat for up to an hour.
3. Place humans in sauna. You may need to do this one at a time if you are using the stupidly small micro-sauna. Add water as necessary to give the bodies a good löyly - this may take between 2 and 20 minutes depending how well done you like them.
4. Quickly move the steaming bodies to the balcony - wrapping them in towels is usually recommended.
5. Allow to rest, occasionally basting with your choice of beverage.
6. After about 5-10 mins repeat stages 3-5 until a satisfactory layer of frost is achieved.
7. Rinse humans and store carefully for future use.

Furry friends

I was told a story yesterday about someone shutting their puppy in a room at work (let's just say it had been a bad boy), accidentally locking it in and that by the time they had found someone with the keys it had chewed through the office's internet connection cable...

This reminded me of the time I was on Skype with my mum a few months ago when she had just got a new kitten. She was saying how it had needle sharp teeth and liked to attack strings and cables when suddenly the sound cut out... then on the video link my mum showed me the two severed ends of the microphone lead... I don't know, some people will do anything to get out of a boring phone conversation.

Next week: Squirrels ate my homework

Finnishnessness

Suomen lippuja: From hölynpöly

Tänään on JV Snellmanin päivä, suomalaisuuden päivä

Today is JV Snellman's day - the day of 'Finnishness'

Here are some ways to be Finnish today (if you are not already):

• Try to be quiet or at least monosyllabic (unless using a mobile phone, in which case speak rapidly and volubly for at least 1 hour about your most personal issues while on public transport)
• Don't smile at strangers, or anyone else much
• Eat a disgusting black substance containing NH₄Cl
• Pretend W and V are the same letter
• Shake hands with everyone you meet
• When going for a walk take your ski-poles (you may need to hire some if you don't ski)
• Sit naked on a bench in a small wooden hut heated with a stove full of rocks to between 70 and 90°C with several people you barely know; throw water on the rocks to make steam and sweat; if insufficiently masochistic so far hit yourself with leafy boughs; you may only leave to swim in a freezing lake; award self with a beer.  Repeat until cooked, drunk or drowned.
• Eat lots of sausages. And potatoes. And then some more sausages. If you want vegetables or fruit you'll have to wait until autumn when the mushrooms and berries are around.  

hYVäÄä VvwaPpuu!

ei ole lippu...

[hic] onnn wwappuuu eiksss? [hic] missssä 'nn valkoi-ja-sssinsssen ... nen ... 

perrrkelet... [hic] msssä on lpp- li- ll - pu 

[george] anteksss...

Hot Air

Viivi ja Wagner © Juba via Helsingin Sanomat

Did I mention Konna keeps saying (about ten times a day now) that it would be ihana if I bought her an ilmapallon for Vappu? Cue skywards eye roll. 

I wonder if I can get a turtle shaped one...

Veteraanipäivä

Tonttu ei pida huodasta, mutta: MISSÄ ON LIPPU?!

Joka aikaa he unohtavat sen... perkelet!

Elvis spotted in Helsinki

Elvis is in the building...

While I'm waiting to set up the new Guardian Twitter feed by doing this quiz, I thought I would post this picture proving Elvis is alive and well and partying in Helsinki.  

It's also a little known fact that today is the only day that it is actually illegal to fly the Finnish flag - as they say here (very quickly) "Aprillia, aprillia, syö silliä ja juo kuravettä päälle!"

Sääpäiväkirja

Keskiviikona, 22. lokakuuta: Tänään on vahan pilvista ja vahan aurinkoista. Myös tuulee. Ulkona on 10 astetta laminta. Helsingissä aurinko nousee kello 8.56 ja laskee 16.56.

Nimipäivät: Anita, Anitta, Anja, Anniina

Pilvista päivää. From Around Helsinki.

One of the things we have been doing on the suomen kielen korssi the last few weeks is to keep a weather diary (sääpäiväkirja) for each day. Since this entails looking out of the window (which I am well practiced at as my school teachers would probably remember) and looking at the outdoor thermometer (which almost every Finnish home has) this is not exactly hard work. For those of you unfamiliar with the Finnish climate, here's some background:

Finnish weather explained

+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wears winter-coats and gloves.
The Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10°C / 50°F
The French are trying in vain to start their central heating.
The Finns plant flowers in their gardens.

+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start.
The Finns are cruising in cabriolets.

0°C / 32°F
Distilled water freezes.
The water in the Vanda river gets a little thicker.

-5°C / 23°F
People in California almost freeze to death.
The Finns have their final barbecue before winter.

-10°C / 14°F
The Brits start the heat in their houses.
The Finns start using long sleeves.

-20°C / -4°F
The Aussies flee from Mallorca.
The Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.

-30°C / -22°F
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth.
The Finns start drying their laundry indoors.

-40°C / -40°F
Paris start cracking in the cold.
The Finns stand in line at the "grilli-kioski".

-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears start evacuating the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-60°C / -76°F
Korvatunturi (the home for Santa Claus) freezes.
The Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.

-70°C / -94°F
The false Santa moves south.
The Finns get frustrated since they can't store their Kossu (Koskenkorva vodka) outdoors.
The Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.

-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes in food don't survive.
The Finnish cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273°C / -459.4°F
All atom-based movent halts.
The Finns start saying "Perkele, it's cold outside today."

-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over.
Finland wins the Eurovision Song Contest.

...hang on a minute - didn't that happen already!?

Sweatpod 2000

Via YLE

Okay I made up the name, but this 'sauna capsule' is the real winning entry in the Invention Week competition. Presumably for those with small flats; and to sell to the Japanese to plug into their capsule hotels... It's already portable, but I think the next version should have bigger wheels and an engine so you can have a sauna on the move, I mean it's aerodynamic already. Just think of the time saving and stress relieving potential when stuck in traffic!

But is it just me or do you keep expecting Ripley to wake up and climb out of it?

Time circuits on. Flux Capacitor... fluxxing. Engine running. All right!

 

"Your older brother's disappearing from that photograph. Your sister will follow, and unless you repair the damage, you'll be next." 

Just got back from the 1950's, bit complicated to explain... but anyway managed to bring some yearbook photos prove it. Such a nightmare getting spares for the deLorean these days, so lucky Rune was around to help.

CSI Helsinki - Remontti Reiskat - Handy Andys

click the image to enlarge - klikkaa suuremmaksi